This past year has been quite a roller coaster ride with several different things, but most notably, my ex-girlfriend and if it’s taught me anything, it’s that sometimes cutting ties with a toxic person is the best thing to do for yourself.
The two of us had been together for very close to 8 months. I had just turned 19 a few months prior to meeting her and she was about to turn 19 a few months after we started dating, so we were each other’s age mates and sweethearts in a sense. We had really only known each other for about 4 months before we went on our first date and then began dating that same day (probably the first of many red flags to appear).
The first 4 months were incredible honestly, I was so happy I had finally found someone to love and accept that I’m in love despite my sexuality and lack of religion, which seemed to be major issues in my previous relationship. She was sweet, kind, understanding, and listened to me without a single complaint. At least until I decided she was ready to be my soulmate.
She had already been subtly pressing about the whole thing after a couple months of being together, but being the man of the house I was, I didn’t recognize it as being pressuring. After the four month mark had finally arrived I felt I was ready and I finally let her take the one thing I will never be able to get back from her (love). From here on out, this is where things kinda start to slowly go down hill.
About a month later she began to get less patient with me, less understanding, and nowhere near as kind as she had been. She started to become extremely uncommunicative with me and wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to tell her what was bothering me. She acted as if my depression and anxiety were a massive burden to her and would get annoyed with me whenever I got paranoid or super down some days.
She would constantly say that I had no reason to be depressed because I had her and we’d make each other happy, which we did, but it should be known that, that’s not how depression works.
At some point it got to where she would constantly interrupt me, run over me when speaking, or completely ignore what I had said, especially when it came to my feelings or what was bugging me. She would go hours without speaking to me, I’m talking between 8-12 hours sometimes she’d go a full 24 hours without speaking to me and I got absolutely no warning or anything and it would trigger all kinds of paranoia and panic attacks, mainly because I worried about whether or not she was okay, that was always my main concern. No matter how many times I tried to tell her this bothered me and that if she knew she was gonna be busy on YouTube watching her favorite songs or distracted to take five seconds to text me and say “I’m gonna be busy for a while, I’ll talk to you later.” That’s all I ever asked for was some understanding and communication. But I never got it and I felt like I was talking to a brick wall.
This continued on for pretty much throughout the entirely relationship and eventually later on after some months , it was nothing but a bunch of petty arguments. That’s all our relationship was. Every once and while when she busted me, we’d go get food, but it was typically fast food so we rarely ever went to sit down and eat. And the amount of times we get into nasty arguments over little things that should have been easy to work through or never even should’ve mattered is outrageous.
Honestly I could continue to go on and on about how toxic it really got but that’s not the point of this story and I’m not here to just complain and “trash” talk as she likes to call it. The main point of this story is to tell my experience with a toxic attachment and hopefully help someone else who may also be dealing with the same issue.
As I stated at the beginning of the story, this past year has been a roller coaster of a ride. I had finally had enough with it all at the beginning of October last year and we broke up with her for good.
The first few months were hard, because despite being the one to end things, it still hurt. I truly did love her and leaving her was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. I tried to be friends with her for a while because I felt terrible and because part of me still wanted to cling to her. But the arguing and toxicity also still lingered and it was very mentally exhausting.
I’m a very kind hearted person by nature and I always just wanna help and be a good person in general so even though we weren’t together, I still genuinely cared about her and her well being, but it seemed like she would take advantage of that and emotionally manipulate me by making threats towards herself to get me to stay and this got really bad the past few months.
I knew I needed to block her on all social media months ago, but my morals just wouldn’t allow me to do that and I know that honestly our relationship should have ended before the year mark even hit, but I truly loved her and tthought she was the one so I held on as long as I possibly could.
Within the past few days I finally decided it was time to block her on all forms of social media that I could think of and completely cut ties with her, maybe not forever, but definitely for a long while. I had so many friends tell me that I needed to because the way she was acting was at this point obsessive. I’m glad I finally let her go, because now I can focus on myself and my personal work and I already feel somewhat at peace.
As a final note here, I’m not claiming to be the “innocent” one in the situation. I know I wasn’t perfect and there was a lot I said and did that was awful and I regret immensely, but at least I can own up to it and acknowledge the fact that what we had was indeed toxic and needed to end.
So to anyone, male or female, that may feel stuck in a toxic relationship or even friendship for similar reasons, know that it is okay to cut ties with those who are not good for your mental health. You should always be your main priority, I promise it’s not selfish to take care of you first before anyone else. If small, still somewhat innocent, little old me can go through this experience, survive it, and finally bounce back from it, I promise you can too.